Word count: ~3000
Summary: Ryeowook accidentally sells his soul to satan, who happens to take a liking to him. Things could be worse, right?
A/N: Based of this tumblr post. The crackiest shit I've written in a longgg time
When Ryeowook had first arrived at university he'd expected his life to do a complete 180 from his high school experience – a large group of friends, amazing parties and crazy relationships filling his life. What he didn't expect was that his only friend would come in the form of an antisocial genius who spent most of his time locked in his room playing Starcraft against people who he claimed were professionals [although Ryeowook never really understood how you could be a professional at a computer game].
Releasing a long sigh he slumped into their couch, watching as Kyuhyun played on their large screened tv. It was a Saturday night and the pair were [once again] stuck inside, not invited to anything going on in the university grounds.
“You sure you don't want to go out and do anything?”
“Why would I want to go out when I've got food and a computer right here, cmon now Ryeonggu.”
Ryeowook groaned, fed up with boring life. “Well maybe I should just sell my soul to the devil and then I'll get a whole bunch of friends who aren't stuck in their rooms all day playing Starcraft and will actually go out and do things with me!”
Kyuhyun snorted, pausing his game and turning to his upset friend. “Alright then, close your eyes.”
“Just do it okay I'm going to help you.”
Ryeowook closed his eyes, waiting for whatever nonsense his best friend would come up with. He jumped as Kyuhyun started to yell, loud voice spouting a slew of random sounds and gugrles before he stopped, tapping him gently on the nose before releasing a laugh.
“What the hell was that?”
“I was helping you sell your soul to get new friends! Not my fault I'm just a wonderful best friend who wants to help you out!”
Ryeowook shoved Kyuhyun away from him, sulking back into the couch cushions.
“Shut up Kyukyu.”
When a man shows up in their lounge room the next day claiming to be the King of Hell and 'here to collect one Kim Ryeowook's soul', the pair are dumbfounded.
[Kyuhyun would be horrified but he's more proud of the fact that he's so smart he can do satanic rituals without even trying.
“I really am a genius – I don't have to study for anything for it to be correct!”
“Oh just zip it Kyu”]
The man is beautiful, fiery red hair standing out on his pale skin as his sharp gaze observed the pair, before focusing on the smaller boy. “Hows it going I'm the king of hell, mind coming with me so I can go back to sleep?” Dumbfounded Ryeowook asked for one more day, getting a groan and an unimpressed nod in response.
In hindsight Ryeowook isn't quite sure why he even needed an entire day.
After one five minute phone call to his mother [three minutes longer than usual becaue the postman had arrived in the middle of the conversation] he was stuck with with another twenty three hours and fifty five minutes. Asking Kyuhyun if he wanted to do something and getting nothing but clicking in response he stood in the doorway, turning to face Satan.
“Wanna watch some dramas with me?”
One God Quiz marathon and 5 bowls of popcorn later Ryeowook's twenty four hours were up, and he felt numb at the realisation he was officially going to be in hell for the rest of eternity [although he was glad he finally finished the series, he'd been putting it off for weeks].
He looked at a sheepish Kyuhyun, pulling the taller boy into a tight hug. “I really am kind of sorry I accidentally sold your soul Ryeonggu”
“s'kay Kyukyu I'll be fine. Please try to not burn down the apartment while I'm gone.”
Getting a nod in response he backed away from his friend, giving him a small smile as he returned to Satan's side, disappearing from the apartment.
[Ryeowook isn't sure he trusts Kyuhyun with anything at this point...]
Ryeowook ends up in the depths of hell, following Satan [“for the last time call me Heechul this whole 'Satan' thing got old a millennia ago”] around what he comes to know as hells castle. As Heechul showed him around the various fire pits Ryeowook can't help his fascination, quietly asking a number of questions to learn more about his surroundings.
“You know normally by now people would be crying and begging for their lives and stuff”
“Oh... did you want me to do that instead?”
Heechul let out a loud bark of laughter, clapping his hand on the smaller mans shoulder. “You're different Ryeowook. I like you.”
Apparently when Heechul 'likes' you he meant it – as Ryeowook found himself in an amazing bedroom deep within the castle, The walls were covered with intricate designs and the room itself was furnished with the most extravagant things Ryeowook had ever seen in his entire life – well, not so much life now.
When Heechul came back a few hours later and requested a dinner like the one he was served back in the apartment on earth, Ryeowook gave a quiet yes, not having the courage to defy the king of hell. He found himself quickly shoved into a large kitchen and, after becoming familiar with his surroundings, whipped up something to eat. As Heechul devoured the meal he grinned widely, watching Ryeowook with a sharp gaze “I really really do like you”.
The next day Ryeowook is awoken at the break of dawn [well he assumes is the break of dawn, time is a little hard to tell when its just darkness and fire] – dragged out of bed by an excited Heechul [should the king of hell be this excited and joyous about stuff?]. Ryeowook barely knows whats happening, still half asleep before they come to a stop in front of a large throne, dozens of people staring up at him.
“So this is Ryeowook, and since I like him I've decided to make him you're new leader. He's my second in command so listen to him and you would me okay? Okay.”
As Heechul turned to stalk out of the room Ryeowook rushed after him, grabbing his arm and stopping him before he could leave him alone.
“Wait what!? How can I be in charge I've been here a day!?!”
“Well it was this or I curse you for eternal damnation, and I like you too much for that. Congrats on the promotion from eternal hell fire~!”
Ryeowook is awkward at first, intimidated by the sharp gazes of his new underlings, quietly mumbling to his feet whenever someone [who has has learnt are actually demons and not people] comes to him with a question or request.
When someone asked if they should maim or just kill their next target, Ryeowook's head shot up, meeting the demons eyes with mild horror.
“uhh yeah thats what we do here, being hell and all”
“I know” Ryeowook replied, pouting at the flummoxed demon “can't you just, I dont know, tell them off?”
“I... excuse me?”
The demon [who Ryeowook learns is named Hyukjae] is stunned as the boy paced on the steps in front of him.
“What would annoy you the most?”
Hyukjae thinks for a moment under Ryeowook's curious gaze, not quite sure how to respond to the odd boy. “I don't know... I guess if I have to listen to that stupid new song in the human world [something about being ready to bingo?] one more time I would probably go insane and try to kill myself... again.”
As Hyukjae chuckled at his [poor] joke, Ryeowook gets an idea, bouncing in place excitedly. “Oooh!! why not just play that constantly until the person gets upset over it! Try that instead Hyukkie!”
Shocked by the nickname the demon just nods, backing away slowly from the cheerful man.
[Three days later Hyukjae returned, large gummy smile on his face as he marched into the court.
“Target taken care of and not a scratch on their body!”
He gets a hi-five from Ryeowook who grinned brightly.]
Ryeowook's odd ways of dealing out new punishments for cursed humans soon becomes all the rage in hell, demons from all over the castle intrigued as to how such unconventional means of punishment were working so effectively.
To Ryeowook's delight he'd also managed to make a number of friends during his time as Sat -- Heechul's – second in command. Many of the demons were much nicer than he thought they would be, and his nervousness had easily melted away for a sense of odd friendship. He'd even started to cook for them, all the demons clamouring at the chance to be assigned one of his missions so they could get a packed lunch.
[Ryeowook tried not to play favourites, but he would admit to sneaking Hyukjae lunches even when he had days off, to the demons joy.]
Ryeowook was readily becoming revered for his decisions, and as one particularly energetic demon bounced into the court he smiled even wider.
“So what is the special idea you have for me today oh special one~”
Ryeowook giggled. Donghae had been one of the first demons to fully accept his untraditional ways, leaping at the chance to try out something new [he had admitted that the whole killing and maiming thing hadn't really been his thing – he tended to hurt himself more than the person he was sent after] and their pair had easily become friends, Ryeowook thankful to have someone on his side when he was readily questioned in the early days.
“I don't know Donghae, last time we tried to get you to scare someone you accidentally fell down an elevator shaft.”
“...yeah, yeah I did. Wouldn't recommend ever trying that.”
Ryeowook tapped his chin, trying to think of a way to put his friend in a position that would cause him the least amount of damage. “Sow how about you just, I don't know, burn all their food?”
“Burn... their food?”
“Yeah! Everyone loves good food, so imagine how torturous it would be to have everything taste like it was burnt – it would be horrible~”
Donghae stared at the excited boy, wide eyed. “that. is. BRILLIANT! Geez Ryeowookie you really are a genius when it comes to this stuff!! I'll do my best!”
Donghae took back off through the court, only tripping twice before he made it to the large doors.
Donghae gave him a thumbs up in response as he disappeared out the door.
[Two days later Ryeowook heard of a loud scream of 'MY RAMEN' echo through the halls of hells castle. He couldn't figure out why it sounded oddly familiar.]
Ryeowook made another friend who turns out to be a demon not under his guidance by the name of Sungmin. The demon is very pretty, bleached blonde hair resting gently over his fox like eyes, making him look rather angelic considering what he was. Ryeowook also realised early on that Sungmin is quite flirty, latching onto the smaller man almost immediately with a wicked smile and helping him learn his way around the large castles halls.
“What do you do anyway Sungminnie? I've never seen you in my court so you don't go out and harm people like the regular demons right?”
“I'm a succubus so I... you know...” Sungmin flailed his arms wildly, trying to explain his occupation as subtly as possible. Ryeowook obviously didn't understand the other man, tilting his head innocently in confusion.
“A succubus? I've never heard of one of those before, what is that?”
Sungmin was frozen, stumped as to how to respond. As much as he liked his new friend he wasn't really sure how to answer without having the wrath of their king coming down on his for 'spoiling his precious new baby'.
“Oh!! I know!!”
Sungmin winced. “You do?”
“Of course! You make school buses horrible right? It's all in the name suck-u-bus! No wonder those buses are horrible, you really are a scary demon Minnie.”
Sungmin just groaned.
Two months into his new job Heechul visited Ryeowook to congratulate him on all his good work. Heechul was so impressed with the work load being produced he offered Ryeowook a reward, an excursion back to earth for one day to do whatever he wanted. Handing the boy off to Eunhyuk and Donghae he wished him fun, watching as the boy disappeard into the darkness.
They reappeared in the lounge of his old apartment, room unusually quiet for the time of day. The demons gave him a pat on his back, promising to collect him in the morning with a sniffle.
[“Donghae oh my god why are you crying!?”
“I feel like a proud parent sending him off for his first day of school I'm so proud”]
Ryeowook set about using his one day as wisely as possible. After another five minute call home he decided to check on Kyuhyun's room, finding the unusually quiet boy sprawled on his bed, clothes scattered haphazardly around him. The boy looked up at the sudden light coming into the room, sitting up in shock once he realised who was standing in the doorway.
“OH MY GOD RYEOWOOK!!” Kyuhyun exclaimed, leaping off his bed and tackling the bewildered boy to the ground. “I've missed you so much are you okay?? How are the fiery pits of hell treating you?”
“I'm fine Kyukyu I'm fine! Satan – well you know him as Satan he prefers being called Heechul – liked me so much that he made me second in command! So now I have all these different demons working for me and instead of hurting people they now just make really unfortunate things happen. Plus I made a bunch of new friends! Sure their demons and one of them makes school buses terrible but they're nice if you get to know them and aren't being cursed by them~”
Kyuhyun just stared at his rambling friend, trying to process all of the new information. Confusion and shock turned into sudden understanding as his eyes widened.
“Wait... what unfortunate things exactly?”
“Weeell, there was a time we put a catchy song on repeat, turned off all the elevators in a five story apartment, put gum on the bottom of someones show, messed with the dvr of project runway – that one was considered particularly evil – burnt all of someones food--”
“SO IT WAS YOU!!!” Kyuhyun shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at his best friend. “Everything I tried to make turned to charcoal for a week no matter what I would do! Even when I went out it was overcooked and horrible! AND THEN my laptop broke for the exact same week... it was horrible Ryeonggu!!”
Ryeowook looked at his frantic friend in shock. “You were the one whose laptop was broken!? That was an accident I swear Donghae really isn't the best demon when it comes to technology, accidents just happen around him, sorry.” he replied sheepishly.
After promising Kyuhyun they wouldn't touch his precious laptop ever again [Donghae had managed to nearly wipe his Starcraft account, and he swore he would march down to hell himself if that ever happened] the pair sat on the bedroom floor in silence.
“So how long you back?”
“Just a day~”
“...wanna play Starcraft?”
“sure why not.”
The next time Ryeowook was graced by Heechul's presence all the demons had gathered in the hall once again, even Sungmin, who had demanded he be allowed to be there after missing the moment Ryeowook arrived [Hyukjae told him he'd been busy getting off, and Ryeowook swore Sungmin really had the toughest job in hell, always having to get on and off those terrible buses].
“I'm glad you have all gathered once again my minions, allow me to introduce the new guy who will officially be helping out our dear Ryeowook. Try not to kill this one either okay? I don't want to have to deal with that anytime soon.”
He walked out in a flourish, leaving behind a sea of confused faces, and one shocked boy a head below everyone else.
The younger boy smirked, walking over to his shocked best friend. “What can I say Ryeonguu, it seemed like you were having fun and I'm sick of having to cook for myself. Now which of these lovely demons is Donghae, I need to have a word with him about a certain game...”